Darkness

 


The party was in full swing with a ‘gold’ theme and everything shimmered, even the air. The sheer amount of music and revelry filled the atmosphere with light and seemed to roll like a wave around and around. It was not over crowded but those filling the halls exuded such a joy that it dazzled from the inside out, then like beautiful raiment it gently rested on your skin and enriched you by just being there. I loved the party, it resonated with a presence that shone and took my breath away. This beautiful atmosphere unearthed a longing for more and a deep seated yearning for the reason for being. The arrival here quickly became a stepping stone.

I found the host of the party, the one from whom all rivers flow, and enquired about a door I had noticed. It was not obvious but I knew a deeper place lay behind it. He said he would come and find me in a while. As the party continued the host came and stood me in front of the door. He handed me keys which shimmered so brightly I could not see them properly, they were almost evanescent.
Everything around me paused as the host stood back watchful and quiet. I was free to stay or go, taking one last sweep of where I was I stepped forward opened the door and went through.It was pitch black but I carried on leaving the golden place behind me and found myself standing with no light at all. It was so dark I could not see my hand in front of my face. I must have stood for what felt an age shocked at my surroundings, this was not what I expected at all. I thought it would be like the gold place but more beautiful and more depth, different but more. Instead I could have been standing in a closet it was so dark and silent.

I suddenly realised that the darkness was because this was a place where no-one came. It was unfrequented and unvisited so the emptiness did not shine and the silence did not sing. I did not know what to do but being alone was distressing and engulfed me. I was desperate to find others or just someone. Maybe it was my fault no-one came here, maybe I had not tried hard enough to bring them with me. Shocked, confused, lost and failed I stood for a long long time disconnected to the reason I had gone there in the first place and preoccupied with the darkness inside and out.Even if I had been misguided the ‘yearning’ remained present somewhere in the gloom holding me in this reality and unable to go back. When enough time had passed and the party a distant memory, in the darkness the host came and sat with me. I was so relieved and pleased to see him I swallowed the angry blame that rose in my throat; Why has it been like this? Where have you been? 

The reason for being here had arrived and I was so wowed by his presence. So a journey began… to stay in his presence and not lose that connection with him again. No matter what darkness, discomfort or alarm it was to be ignored because He is the party and therefore the golden place is mobile and accessible at all times.

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